Parting Glass

CANNOT GET THIS SONG OUT IF MY HEAD

Oh Dear

Look what just tumbled out...

Deep Thought Thursday

This is something that has been bothering me all week. While I was driving home from the doctor's office last Friday I was nearly hit by a woman in a Nissan Pathfinder with a bumper sticker that said the following:

Uncle Sam wants YOU to speak English!

Dear horrible driver,
I'm not sure how you ascertained this information. Do you know Uncle Sam personally? I don't think you do.

You see, since I went to school in Troy, NY I've actually sucked up quite a lot of Uncle Sam trivia by osmosis and I'd like to share with you the following contradictions in your choice of bumper stickers.

First off, Uncle Sam was a hard working man. A meatpacker who supplied troops up and down the Hudson with beef and other supplies. When things were stamped U.S. the troops and teamsters jokingly said it was all from Uncle Sam instead of the Army.

He was an ordinary man.

He became a household name.

And his parents were immigrants.

They came over from Scotland and although he was born in Virginia I doubt they only spoke English at home.

Something tells me you are sorrily re-missed in thinking that Uncle Sam would ever care if you spoke another language. In fact I'm fairly certain that he would look down on your snobbish and arrogant bumper sticker.

How many languages do you speak? My guess is you are so ignorant and xenophobic that you've never bothered to broaden your linguistic spectrum. Shame on you. There are billions of people in this world and MANY of those people who are English-speaking people ALSO know other languages. In fact most Europeans speak their native language AND go about learning English as well.

So why so short minded?

I personally think Uncle Sam would have more of an issue with you driving a Japan-made car. If you really wanted to support Ameruka! and all it stands for, maybe you should have bought a Ford.

Love, Elise



(Image by Tara Engberg for The New York Times)

The Lulu Saga: A Neverending Story

This summer Lulu got hit in the parking lot of the Dick's Sportings Good at the mall. I was super pissed that I didn't notice it before we drove off, otherwise I would have torn the red pick up truck driver who couldn't fit into the spot next to mine without mashing into my door and folding back my mirror a piece of my mind. I definitely would have at least taken down his license plate and reported him to the police so I wouldn't have to pay for the damages myself.

But of course I didn't realize it until we were on the road and Jaclyn had mentioned my mirror was folded. We were in a rush and I hadn't needed to look at that mirror so she folded it back and we went on our merry way. Got home and realized that the guy next to me had really nailed Lulu's passenger side door pretty good.

Took a nice chunk out of the crown of the car door and dented it too. Awesome.

I didn't get around to taking care of it until now.

One of the guys who works in the shop at work has a friend who owns a body shop nearby and he said he'd fix it for me. Fill it in, repaint the door, seal it up good so it wouldn't rust over the winter.

So I dropped off Lulu Friday night, picked her back up Sunday morning (before running out the door to Kleinfelds) and it was beautiful. Rick did an awesome job. He even detailed her for me.

I don't think Lulu has been that clean since I got her.

Meanwhile, I was due for an inspection, new registration, and a service. Dropped Lulu off at our dealership and asked them to do the Subaru 30,000 mile service, change the spark plugs and whatnot. I had just gotten an oil change a month before so I didn't need that.

All together the service tech said it'd be about $300-400. Okay. That's not horrible. Lulu hasn't really cost me any money since I've bought her, she hasn't needed any major repairs and a lot of the time the services were cheap and half of my oil changes have been free.

When I picked up Lulu though I paid a bill for over $500. WTF!?!

I had had a really bad day. There was a lot going on at work, I was exhausted and moody and felt like I was going to burst into tears any second. Plus my service tech wasn't there and no one else would have known what we had spoken about on the phone. So I really didn't want to be that girl who cried and screamed at them when it wasn't their fault, it was this one particular guy's fault. The other people down in the service area are very friendly and explain things and even print out an itemized list for me because I like to keep track of things. This one service tech I got this time really threw me for a loop.

Turns out they wound up giving me the dealership service instead of the Subaru service and the dealership services is basically a load of crap that I could have either done myself or didn't really need done in the first place. Whereas the Subaru service recommended by the manufacturer is a series of tests, checking one or two vital engine parts and flushing the fluids.

I'm livid, but I'm also incredibly busy at work this week so I haven't had a chance to call back. My father was away on business and got home last night so we got a chance to look at the bill and suss out exactly what had happened. Meanwhile they busted something in Lulu's business while they were in there doing god knows what, and now the button to circulate the air throughout the cabin doesn't work.

So not only did they break something in my car, but they charged me for things I said I didn't want and gave me the wrong service. Forgive me, but I'm going to have a

DON'T THEY KNOW WHO WE ARE

moment. My family bought three cars from this dealership. Not only that but technically we're also VIPs because we have friends at Fuji Heavy Industries. Up on the sales floor everyone knows us, when we're dropping off a car for a service we'll go up and say hi and chat a bit with the sales people. They're awesome. They're wonderful. They're service techs obviously need to learn a thing or two about how to treat customers.

Coincidentally I got not only a coupon from the dealership in the mail yesterday, but also a letter from the head of the sales team asking how my service went, hoping that if we got a survey we'd be "Completely Satisfied" in everything and if not to contact him. Let's just say my father will be making a call to Mr Sales Lead Sweatervest Man and hopefully he can do something for us.

I hate when people automatically think that just because I'm a woman I don't know what my car needs and what it doesn't need. I hate when people try to sell me on things I don't want and I hate when I get overcharged for something that I can easily do myself!

Smut for the Masses!

One day I'll be a published author...one day...

Me: what would you do if I became a published author of smut?
Julibean: I really couldn't care less
Julibean: I think it's a little silly
Julibean: but whatever
Julibean: can I pose for the covers?
Julibean: lol
Me: okay, just plain old trashy fiction
Me: hahaha
Me: no, I'm thinking I'd rather just have plain covers with bright colors
Julibean: that's no fun
Me: so you wouldn't feel awkward about reading them in public
Julibean: you've got to hook them in with the cleavage
Me: HAHAHA
Me: but Fabio doesn't do cover art anymore!
Julibean: oh that's too bad

Horseshoes and Handgrenades

And this is why I love my brother...


Me: so last night I had a dream
Me: that we were sky diving out of a helicopter
Me: and Julianne and Dad dropped together
Me: but then we were catching up to them because the helicopter was falling out of the sky
Me: and you kind of crash landed upright in the woods
Dan: That's pretty fucked up
Me: and suddenly I was this little Chinese escapee or something and some asshole gave me a armed grenade that I couldn't let go of lest we all die
Me: and I found some soldier in a Volkswagen micro-bus nearby and asked for his help
Me: and then these badasses came out of now where and started shooting at him
Me: so I threw the grenade at them
Me: and then I ran
Me: and everyone was running towards me but I waved them off and the bus exploded
Me: and then I climbed up a tree with my flat little shoes
Me: it was so weird
Dan: Unscrew the fuse from the main body next time
Me: well I thought of that when I woke up
Me: that I could unscrew something
Dan: Elise, what the hell did you have for dinner?
Me: meatloaf?
Dan: Well, so far as I know the pin and spoon screw into the grenade body. You could conceivable unscrew that from the body and then just let go of the spoon.
Me: good to know
Dan: Then the fuse would burn down, but not have any bursting charge to set off.
Dan: Since that's in the body, which you've disconnected...
Me: I like how you totally disregard your crash landing a helicopter or me suddenly being Asian and go straight for the munitions part
Me:
Dan: I focused on the thing I could actually affect.


Good to know!

I Pinch?

I work in Marketing.

I work with Advertisements.

I LOVE it.

I have ALWAYS loved it.

There are times when I would literally just pay attention to commercials more than the actual show I was watching.

That being said there are some commercials that just stick with you. Still to this day I can sing the Skip-it! jingle or even the Ribbon Dancers song.

Even more so we constantly quote those damn Honda Element commercials. I don't have anything against the Honda Element, other than the fact it looks like a box with wheels. But those commercials with the platypus and crabs were epic.



Without even thinking about it Julibean, Jason, hell even my mother and I will find ourselves saying things like, "I no pinch!" or "I've got some melted butter and some tongs in here..." or even "Where does a platypus learn a word like "hodgepodge"?"

The world is a better place because of marketing and advertisements that become part of the mainstream. I am a firm believer in this.

Plus it's just downright hilarious.

No!

To Do Before the End of the Year:

• Clean Room
• Vacuum Room
• Clean House
• Vacuum House
• Keep Room Clean
• Keep House Clean
• Redesign personal website
• Publish personal website
  
• Design Wedsite for Jason and I
• Apply to jobs in VA
• Apply to more jobs in VA
• Test paper flower bouquets and centerpieces
• Decorate dress for Halloween Costume
  
• Call Kleinfelds about special sister appointment
• Make special sister appointment at Kleinfelds to try on dresses
• Get pocketfold paper cut down
• Start folding pocketfolds
  
• Design and print Save the Dates
• Mail Save the Dates
• Take mother to David's to show her other options that aren't at Kleinfelds dresses
• Design custom address stamps
• Get stamps created
• Ask girls to be bridesmaids officially
  
• Drop two more pant sizes
  
• Design programs for YOUth Group's Production of Carousel
• Design second logo for Amy
• Call and make appointments with pastor and preist
  
• Recompile music collection onto new hard drive
  
• Meet with Ms Chase
  
• Design two websites for Ms Chase
• Tasting at Hotel w/parents and future in laws
  
• Engagement Session with HBT
• Meet pastor
  
• Book deejay
  
• Book videographer
• Book room design people
  
• Move to Virgina

I really need to learn how to say no to people. I've taken on so many freelance jobs and projects for family friends and the community that I'm thinking from now on I will have to reject freelance work. Especially pro bono work. I can't waste my precious time on things I won't be getting paid for.

NO!

Charo: New Depths of Stupidity!

Charo has reached new heights! Or rather maybe I should say new lows in her constant ability to shock me in how stupid she really is.

Last Thursday on payday Charo apparently did something very out of the ordinary for her. She paid a bill in full. *GASP*

Now to me, that's a common occurrence. I only every buy things that I know I can pay for immediately and just don't have the cash on me at the time, or that I know when the bill comes in I can pay off in full. I very rarely carry over a balance on my credit cards and I know it will be a difficult adjustment in the coming months when I start buying wedding things and can't possibly pay for all of it at once and have to pay installments...but I digress.

Charo on the other hand has absolutely no savings and is very stupid with her money and lives from paycheck to paycheck.

Anyway, Charo suddenly realizes she has paid her bill in full and is verbally abusing herself the whole time she calls up Verizon to tell them she didn't mean to pay off the whole bill since it isn't due till the end of June. They say to call her bank and have the payment stopped. Her bank says it's already been posted so they can't do anything about it and she should bring it up with Verizon.

Meanwhile she's called her ever-understanding mother to explain what's going on. Mommy dearest basically bitches out Charo about being so stupid with her money and reminds her that rent is due. Yeah, she is living with her mom again and can't afford to move out.

I understand this, I'm living with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own and it'd be stupid to waste money when I'm working so close. But when they ask me if I can pay for groceries or kick for a certain phone/cable bill I'm always willing and able because I have a savings account I can dip into on a rainy day. And since I'm not paying a monthly rent I don't mind at all picking up incidentals like that.

Frustrated that Mother dearest is angry with her for being stupid, Charo basically tells her to eff off and not to worry about it.

Verizon tells her that if she wants she can put in a petition to get a refund. She is panicked that she'll be out the $200 for two weeks and really needs the money back. They tell her to call back in a week.

Again she calls Mommy dearest and tells her the update that she should be getting back the money and everything will be fine. She's "banking on it" in fact. I'm sorry, but where in the conversation did Verizon promise anything? My thoughts are she's just digging herself a bigger hole.

Today Charo calls back Verizon because apparently her petition has been denied and she won't be getting a refund. She is AGHAST at their ruthlessness. How dare they not give her money back!

Let's back-peddle for a second here...Charo paid her bill in full. It was her error because she is a moron and apparently doesn't know how the website works. This is legitimately her fault, it has nothing to do with Verizon at all. Obviously their policy is if you have a balance out on your account they can't refund you any money. That seems perfectly sensible to me.

Well not to Charo...

She goes off on the customer service rep and demands to talk to a supervisor. When she gets on the phone with the supervisor he informs her that this is their policy and it always has been. Charo badgers the supervisor and explains that if the original customer service rep had known that she wouldn't have gotten her money back she should have been informed last week instead of having to wait a week to be denied.

Then, in true Charo fashion, she threatens to leave the company. "Well what if I tell you I'm going to leave Verizon, what would you do?" He probably replies that he'd do nothing. "Well what can you do to keep me as a customer? What are you willing to offer me?"

Seriously Charo? Asking for a freebie when you're pissed at them because you paid a bill?! So what you're basically doing is asking for a reward for paying your bill in full and before the due date? Maybe they should really have thrown you a parade!

I just can't...really...I can't.

So what is Charo's solution? "I'm going to switch to AT&T and get an iPhone!"

First off she has such a huge Verizon bill because she has a Blackberry. She has NO NEED for one. I know this because I don't even have a need for one and I use the internet much more and have Freelance design clients contacting me and wedding vendors and such. I actually could use a Blackberry but am not willing to pay a ridiculous amount for the data package which is why I haven't gotten one yet. Because I'm trying to save money and that's what you do, you make sacrifices.

For me my little phone with unlimited txting is plenty for now. In the coming months I might change my mind but we'll see what happens.

Regardless. Charo has a Blackberry for no reason and is paying a lot to have it. Like at least $100 a month. I pay maybe $30 a month. Instead she wants to get an iPhone which is even more expensive than a Blackberry. That's the ideal situation in Charo-land. And I applaud her stupidity for that.

The Picard Manuver

For those of you who weren't fortunate enough to grow up in a household of Scientific Parents, you have no idea what you were missing out on!

I was brought up in a household that watched Jeopardy every night, laughed at contestants Wheel of Fortune who stupidly buy vowels, and watched at least three hours of Star Trek a week.

Laugh if you want. It has made me who I am and I'm proud.

In no way shape or form am I a Trekkie. I enjoy the movies. I enjoy the television shows (especially The Next Generation), but I have no urge to dress up like a Klingon and go to a convention.

Moving right along with my point. This morning I read a re-tweet that said the following:

happysorceress

Two of my *favorite* companies, @AdagioTeas & @ThinkGeek,have made tea magic!!: http://bit.ly/aPrWBo

Of course I clicked the link. I love Adagio Teas and ThinkGeek too! And what did I find? Something I might just have to purchase!
Umm, hello? Four teas that sound delicious! And check out the name of that one on the top!

Earl Grey, Hot!

Seriously...do I need to say more? I only do if you're a sad person and you never watched Star Trek: TNG.

I think the best way to describe if you are unfamiliar is this montage of clips I found on YouTube.

Enjoy! Oh, and if you're interested in ordering any Adagio Teas, let me know and I'll send you a $5 gift certificate! They're cool like that :)

The sky is falling!

If you hadn't heard the northeast got hit really really hard this weekend with hurricane winds and rain. New Jersey is still under water and there are roughly 2800 people on Long Island who still don't have power and haven't had it since Saturday.

Now let's step back here for a moment. Saturday early evening Casey picked me up from the train station and we ran an errand over to Michael's where I hit an awesome sale on supplies I needed for Laura's shower invites.

On our way we had to pull into a Carvel parking lot and snap a photo of this:

The sky is falling...and so are the ice cream cones. We're talking ridiculous winds here people, crap was falling out of the sky left and right!

Casey just got a new car...or rather, new to her car. His name is Sven and he is a 1998 Volvo S70. He's fantastic, all the ladies love him.

Sven is also much safer than the Eclipse that was totaled when Casey was hit last month by a girl making an illegal blind left turn into the exit of a strip mall. I am happy Casey has Sven because I worry about her safety.

Anyway. We suddenly decided that we should do something fabulous for our birthday since this year is our quarter century. Cruise to the Bahamas? Yes, please. We spent most the night as the power flickered on and off and the wind blew hard against my windows researching different cruises and how much a 3-day cruise would be.

Long story short, we're too poor to go on a cruise but we're thinking about going to Universal Orlando and staying with my wonderful friend Ron and just spending a long weekend in the warm warm Florida weather.

Once we had enough sitting there planning we decided to venture out and get something to eat. We tried to get to Outback but the roads were flooded. We tried then to turn around and go to Friday's but the power had gone out in that town. We wound up at an Applebees and it was pretty delicious.

What the hell is my point?!

People are still without power. This is awful, but people some people just won't stop complaining about it. There is a LOT of damage and it takes a LOT of time to repair that damage before power can be restored fully.

I know this because my father works for a utility company.

People are all over the news crying about how the utility companies don't care and they're dragging their feet and wah wah wah. They are doing everything they can!

I know this because my father works for a utility company and has been working non-stop since Sunday morning.

The other morning I was getting some iced coffee from DD and a cop and some random guy were standing there bad mouthing the "lazy" utility company workers. The cop basically said that he'd been sitting in road blocks all day waving people past downed wires and that the only thing he'd seen from the utility company was a truck stop, look at the damage, make a note of it and drive away.

There is a certain level of triage that the utility companies have to go through. First they assess the damage, then they determine which repairs will be the most important to the largest number of people and then they send crews out to make the repairs. They had everyone imaginable out in the field logging damage and now they have everyone imaginable out in the field starting repairs. They have crews in from Connecticut and even Detroit helping them in these repairs.

My father who has worked with a utility company for over 30 years and is now a manager who works a desk job has been driving around all day every day since Sunday. So listen to me people, they are doing everything they can. It's not like they are sitting on their butts delegating work, they have managers and uppity ups out in the field doing work.

I understand the frustration of being without power for an extended period of time. But this happens all the time in NH where Jason's family lives. During the ice storms this winter and last winter Jason's family was without power for 4 days. And that was in the middle of winter when the temperature was below freezing. Did they complain? No. Were they inconvenienced? Of course. But I just feel like no one up there made THAT big a deal out of it all. They would get power back when they got power back and they prepared themselves for the lack of power and survived through.

Power goes out on LI for a few days and everybody's irritable, angry, complain-y, and mean. Again, I understand the frustration, but just don't take it out on the utility companies. A lot of them don't have power at home either and they're trying their hardest to do everything they can to expedite the repairs so they can go home and turn a light on.

End rant.

Review: Opening Ceremony

I adored the Opening Ceremony.

Here are the things I can remember off the top of my head that were freak'n amazing.

1. The orca whales that "swam" across the floor of the stadium. It was beautiful.
2. The tribal dancers who literally stood in the middle of the stadium and danced for the entire length of the Parade of Nations. That is easily an hour or two of just standing around dancing while Olympians walk by.
3. Slam Poet Shane Koyczan's performance on who Canadians are as a people and as a nation was incredible. I love Slam Poetry and that spoken word sort of prose so this was flipping fantastic.
4. Measha Brueggergosman. What can I even say. I loved her hair. I loved her dress. I loved her voice as she sang the Olympic Anthem. I am not a fan of operatic voices in general but hers was just divine. Did I mention her hair? I wants it. (image borrowed from Opera Chic)
5. The interpretive dance and aerial work done to Joni Mitchell's Both Sides Now. I thought the aerial acrobatics were beautiful.
6. Just in general the quality of the multimedia. It is incredible what artists can create from conception to reality with the proper technology and ingenuity.
7. The screech style of violin and incredible dance routine celebrating the folk music and current trend of pub music in Vancouver.
8. The interpretation of Stanley park and then how they morphed it into the mountains. The commentators mentioned how many spectators wondered how Vancouver could even come close to what Beijing did for the Opening Ceremony two years ago. Vancouver answered with a personal more intimate ceremony. They didn't even attempt to come close to the drummers or the army of Chinese performers. They did what spoke to Canada and it spoke volumes about the Canadians to the rest of the world. In some ways I liked the Opening Ceremony in Vancouver better than the Opening Ceremony in Beijing because of the intimacy of the performances and the energy of those involved.
   
9. The respect they paid the fallen Georgian and the point they made to fly the flags at half mast.
10. But the most incredible part was definitely K.D. Lang's performance. Holy hell. First of all Hallelujah is quite possibly one of the most beautiful songs ever written. I've heard that Leonard Cohen is kind of sick of people singing it since it wasn't popular when he first wrote it but covers of it have become popular but I personally love it.
    
    The song is used in one of the most depressing montages on television that I have ever watched. The West Wing episode Posse Comitatus makes me cry every single time I watch it. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, what are you waiting for? Go out and rent West Wing!
    
    Anyway, back to the Olympics...Lang's performance was breathtaking. Words cannot describe the chills I felt when I heard her rendition of the song. I admire her music a lot but I don't often hear a lot from her. It.was.awe-inspiring.
    

I also wanted to add that last night was the first time I saw the footage from the luge accident. It was horrific. I can't even comprehend how it happened and my warm fuzzies go out to all Georgians and all lugers and all Olympians for their loss. It is tragic, but at least Nodar Kumaritashvili lived his dream and made it to the Olympics.

I couldn't believe that NBC aired the footage, but I admired the fact that they only did it once. All subsequent broadcasts didn't show the crash and as Bob Costas explained they would not air the footage again during the games because they did not want to focus on the tragedy.

A Day in the Life of Charo

For those of you who don't know, Charo is the wonderful woman I have the privilege of working with 5-days a week. No, that's not her real name, but her utter annoyance, ridiculous appearance and moronic banter has reminded me of Charo so much, that everyone else around me now knows her as Charo and understands exactly what I'm talking about whenever I mention her in a story. In case you were wondering, Charo is a 45 year old divorcee single mom living with her Mother.

8:42am Calls my cell phone. Why on earth did I EVER give her that number? To tell me that she's "down the block" and that she "suffered a migraine yesterday and didn't get much sleep"...LIKE I NEED TO KNOW?! Insight: she's never on time to work, she supposedly works 8:30-5:30 but often doesn't get here until 9:00 or later. At least she's stopped calling me to let me know she's running late and to tell our manager that this came up or that slowed her down this morning. Because honestly, he doesn't give a damn when she's here.
8:45am Strolls quickly into the office.
8:47am Calls friend to tell her a story about her night.
8:55am Finally hangs up with friend, only to go to the restroom to fluff out her ridiculous hair.
9:00am Calls mother to make sure son got to school okay. Mother makes comment about how he was "warm enough for you" when she sent him off to school. I love with Mother makes a crack at Charo's parenting skills.
9:03am Forgot to set the DVR and tries to explain to Mother how to do it for her.
9:05am Pouts when Mother can't figure it out.
9:06am Realizes she's forgotten to send son to school with a snack, and "NO, the other kids won't share with him." Probably because he's an outcast since he has massive ADD.
9:08am Tells Mother to read the directions in the book to learn how to program the DVR because apparently she can't miss this program that is probably something stupid to begin with. Key phrase: "Look in the book, that's how I learned!"
9:10am Knocks hand impatiently against desk.
9:12am Continues to patronize Mother as she attempts to set DVR. "I knew I should have done this, I have too much on my mind." Read: You're a dumbass Mother, and I can't believe you can't figure this out yourself!
9:13am Cell phone rings while on office phone. For once it's on vibrate instead of some awful loud pop song. Charo actually doesn't answer.
9:14am From the sounds of it, Mother asks why doesn't she just come home and do it herself. "This really isn't that difficult, HIT RECORD! I have to work! This is exactly what I wanted to watch."
9:15am Mother finally figures it out. Charo demands address to someone's house barely thanking Mother.
9:16am Finally hangs up.

9:53am Charo walks into my cube, without announcing herself or knocking, and asks if we have mailing labels. She literally has her hand on the box of them while she's asking me where they are.
9:54am Asks me if I went away this weekend, even though we had this discussion twice last week that I wasn't going away because I have work and I have a lot of house-hold things to take care of.
9:55am Charo's one actual friend in the office comes into my cube...at least he knocks! But he isn't here to talk to me. We'll call him Doofus. Doofus goes on to tell Charo how he met someone who was asking about her and Doofus gave random guy her number.
9:56am My manager T, whose office is right next to my cube closes his door. I can't help but laugh at the fact that he doesn't want to hear their mindless drivel about Charo's pathetic personal life any more than I do. Doofus thinks I'm laughing about something he said in his story. I tell him I was laughing at the closed door behind him.
9:58am They finally leave my area. But continue their conversation in Charo's cube.
9:59am T's door opens and Denise pops out. I actually like Denise, we commiserate together often about the annoying people we have to deal with. It was actually her who closed T's office door and I tell her how I thought it was him because they were standing right there talking.
10:00am Denise can't believe they were standing in my cube having a conversation without even involving me...not that I wanted to be involved in said conversation.
10:01am I eat a cookie T has given me. It is delicious. He never gives Charo cookies. I am his favorite assistant.
10:07am Doofus finally leaves after T calls Charo on her phone (despite the fact she's 20ft away from his office and doesn't hear him calling her). In parting she says she's eating lunch in the cafeteria today and he should join her so they can continue what I'm sure was a very interesting an crutial conversation.

10:20am Message from the email happy Charo: she has a dentist appointment tomorrow morning! Is it okay if she comes in early so she can leave for an hour during the day? THIS IS MY BUSINESS HOW?!?!

10:28am Call from friend (possibly ex-husband?) something having to do with son's hurt feelings. Apparently Charo loves new baby niece more than her own son?! Key phrase: "I get excited because she's a girl, but he is my pride and joy and I tell him that!"
10:30am Explains that she has to tell her son constantly, "I am the adult, I make the decisions." *laugh* "But that little girl's cheeks! I just want to eat her up!" I fear for this child.

11:34am Calls friend. Some guy friended her on Facebook and she needs confirmation from an outside source that she does in fact know him.
11:38am After a long-winded reply, her friend assures her, yes in fact Charo, you know this random guy! And she hangs up.

12:53pm I get back from lunch and Charo is just finishing another personal call...wonder if she was on the phone the entire time I was gone?

1:02pm Oh dear God! Her holiday ringtone is back! "Santa Claus, Santa Claus, must have been old Santa Claus..."

1:25pm Passes off work to me. Yeah, thanks for that. This is actually her responsibility to take care of, not mine.

1:34pm Finally realizes her phone had rang while she was away from her desk. Calls back to confirm dentist appointment tomorrow that I didn't need to know about in the first place.

2:09pm Enters my cube yet again unannounced and asks if I suffer from migraines. I'm sorry were we having a conversation? Did I miss the beginning of it?

3:20pm Phone buzzes on desk. Charo answers. It's a friend and she tells her all about the date she's going on tonight.
3:35pm Now that I know everything there is to know about this man since Charo really has no indoor voice, she hangs up.

3:40pm Doofus is back. Charo tells him all about how at lunch she was sitting in her car in the Sushi Express parking lot and a teenager hit her bumper.
3:41pm Doofus is aghast, how could a new teenage driver be so stupid and irresponsible!
3:42pm Charo explains how she's totally saving teenage driver's father like 5 grand a year just because she's not putting it through insurance and instead he's just going to pay for any repairs to her bumper.
3:45pm Urge to smack Charo...rising...
4:10pm Gathering my things to leave, Charo is still going on about the "accident". GET ME OUT OF HERE!


Sometimes I wish I was creative enough to make all of this up...but I'm really not. I'm so glad I don't have to see her face or hear the stupid quiet voice she puts on to sound attractive until next year!

Give Peace a Chance

So this morning was rough. I didn't get out of the store last night until after midnight. Decided that against my better hair judgment I'd shower before passing out and woke up with the most amazing bedhead ever.

Got ready, after only four or so hours of sleep and meandered out to my car to head to work. It was then that I realized there was something different about Lulu.

Ages ago while we were in Bartonsville, PA for our annual family vacation we came upon this fantastic store called Dave's Tie Dye & Hippie Gifts. Being curious consumers we went inside and since then we've gone back every single summer just to peruse the hippie skirts and random paraphernalia Dave has around the store.

A few years back I purchased a camouflaged peace sign magnet to put on the Hunter. It made me content in my own little way, I liked that it was camo because it was almost as if I was supporting the troops while supporting peace.

Cue to this morning when I saw a peace sign-shaped dust pattern on Lulu's rear.

SOMEONE STOLE MY PEACE SIGN!

Who does that? Honestly?

What kind of a thought process does a person have whereupon they see a peace sign magnet and think, I'ma gonna steal that damn peace sign! I hate peace signs!

I am so upset. Not only that someone would remove a magnet from my car, but in all honesty I thought if I was ever going to lose one it wouldn't be my PEACE SIGN! If anything I thought someone would yoink my Save the Tatas magnet because it's far more interesting than a camouflaged peace sign!

Now I'm going to have to wait until next August to go to Dave's again and buy a new one. *sadface*

Shoes and St. Judes

I mentioned last week that although I might not necessarily need them, I've been searching for a new pair of cute black leather boots to wear with pants and/or skirts. I wore my last pair to death and haven't replaced them for the past two years...but I refused to pay a ridiculous amount for them.

I was on my way to my second job at the beebeedubs the other night when I saw that Nine West Outlet was having a huge boot sale right next door. So I went in and did a lap and immediately realized that the boots on sale for $20 right in the front of the store were the exact same boots I bought two years ago in camel leather (which I still have/wear btw). These boots are comfy, classy enough to wear with pants and cute enough to wear with skirts (although I probably haven't done so yet).

Huzzah!

As I'm trying on the two sizes I usually run in Nine West, I overhear a disturbing exchange going on not five feet from me at the cash register. It goes something like this, the sweet nice girl sales associate is completing the woman customer's transaction and her manager is standing there as well.

Would you like to donate $1 to the St. Jude's Fund?
No! In fact, what I'd like is for St. Jude to give me a dollar! You know?! She turns to the manager.
Right, he laughs it off uncomfortably.

The woman leaves and then the sales associate and the manager discuss.
How do you not know what St. Jude is?
Yeah, I wanted to be like, Actually, St. Jude is a Children's Hospital and they research cancer. So the money you'd be donating will help save children's lives all over the country.

By this point I'm done figuring out which size is right for me and I'm up at the cash wrap.
I can't believe she didn't know what St. Jude was, I can't help but continue the conversation.
Seriously, I mean it's okay if you don't want to make a donation. People say no all the time, but to put down a charity that helps children and say they should be paying you?! That's just wrong.
I agree.
Would you like to donate $1.
Of course I would.
She adds $1 onto my transaction and when she hands me my recipt she scans a coupon and gives it to me. It's for 20% off any purchases I make the entire month of January. Sweet!
Now if she had just shut up and donated a dollar, St. Jude would have given her something in return!
Yes, yes they would have.
I certainly hope that her chidren never need to rely on St. Jude for anything in the future.
We tell each other to have a nice night and a happy holiday and we all go on our merry way.

Seriously?! Seriously?!

Sometimes I honestly can't understand people. Yeah, it can get a little aggrivating when every other vendor/store is asking if you'd like to make a donation to some charity every other time you purchase something...but to say something so horrible? To want to take money away from children's cancer research? That's just wrong.

I don't care if you're ill informed, I don't care if you for some reason hate children, you just don't EVER go that far. But how could you be so ill informed/ignorant? In grammar school we did Math-a-thons to support St. Jude, there are commercials with people like Robin Williams, Jennifer Aniston, and Antonio Benderas sitting with a child who is obviously a cancer patient all over TV!

I agree that sometimes people can be pushy when it comes to donations, but they just don't know any better. Guilting people into a donation is not the way to do it, you should simply ask and then inform if they don't recognize the cause.

I certainly hope you consider donating to a cause you feel is worthy this holiday season. Even if it's donating a coat you no longer use, or mismatched socks to the homeless. Every little bit helps.

101 and counting

So today actually marks 101 days on my quest to do 101 things in 1001 days. Plus we're closing in on the end of the year and I guess that just makes me think even more of what I've actually accomplished this year....even outside of that list.

Somehow, despite the fact that for three months this summer I was furloughed down to 4 day work-weeks, I managed to double the amount in one of my savings accounts. (We won't dwell on the fact my other savings account isn't as happy.) I've also managed to pay off 1/6 of my car loan, woohoo!

I've been trying desperately this year to curb my spending. There are a lot of big important things I'll have to pay for in the not-so-distant future...weddings...homes...not to mention I still have student loans and the rest of my car loan to pay off. So saving has become almost like a game to me. Every time I look at something I want to buy I really ask myself if I need it, or if I simply want it. In fact I did need a new winter coat so I bought one. I do want new black boots but I'll have to find a really good deal on a pair to feel as though I should actually spend to buy them, even though I've been with out black boots for the past three winters *sadness*.

I've made lemonade when life handed me lemons, and I think I've grown in that department. I can easily step back now and look at a situation with a level head and not get overly angry, upset, or disappointed when it's unnecessary.

Pretty much my greatest accomplishment this year was maintaining. I've struggled for a few years now to get control of my weight. Right now I'm a good 20lbs heavier than I was the summer of my junior/senior year of college. That means the past three years I've gained a whole lot and I'm not happy about that.

Since January I've been attempting to eat healthier and move more but I kept hitting walls. Over the summer I tried the Couch to 5k and wound up hurting my foot and having to do things that were lower impact. For the past five years or so I've had a pain in my back that no MRIs or x-rays could attribute to anything and that hindered my exercising as well.

But now (although my foot is still a bit bothersome) my back finally got the kink worked out of it and I'm feeling leaner and meaner already. I quite literally started last year at the weight I am currently at so at the very least that means I maintained my weight this year. Now to build some more muscle and loose a little jiggle. If I continue on the path I've set myself on (weight training, really watching my caloric intake, tracking weight fluctuations, hydrating correctly, doing low impact cardio) I'm fairly certain I will begin to see the results within the next few months.

The holidays will be tough, but I managed to get through Thanksgiving without any extra fluff and I'm determined to see changes in the scale slowly but surely throughout the month and into the new year.

Basically although I've made a few leaps and a few bounds in certain areas of my life, and maintained in others, I'm ready to make a few more changes and tweak my life in small ways that I think will add up throughout the next year.

Hooray determination! Hooray for an uneventful year!

I realize, I'm ridiculous

For a few days this week my good friend Matty was in the city on business. Since I had work at the beebeedubbs Monday night we decided to do dinner last night instead.

So Matty, the Beaner and I hopped into the newly (and finally) fixed Lulu and grabbed some dinner. But oh look, the Swan Princess soundtrack was still in Lulu's player...so Julibean and I serenaded Matt. Yeah, that's right, we sang to him until he could almost figure out the words himself and sing along too!

But *gasp* Matty had never seen the Swan Princess! So after our early bird dinner (yeah, we're old ladies now) we went back to our house and sat him down and put in the most fabulous movie ever.

I'm serious people, long before he was ever transformed into a frog in Shrek, John Cleese was a French frog in the Swan Princess named Jean-Bob. And he is hilarious! Plus I'm thinking Jean-Bob might be an excellent name for a dog, but I digress.

As the plot unraveled Matt had a few choice comments. When the evil Lord Rothbart appears Matty exclaimed, "There's nothing scarier than a handle bar moustache!"

Later, when Derek and Odette are finally reunited under the pale moonlight and have their first kiss in a long time: "That's kissing with partially open lips...are we sure the children should be watching this?"

I love you Matty, especially since you sit through 2-D animations I love without even a second thought!

If you don't go out and rent the Swan Princess and watch it, "I'll have you whipped, flogged, put on the rack and have your back legs fried in butter!!"

The Lulu Saga...still utterly ridiculous

When last we left, Lulu's windshield wipers were wired backwards. (Wow, try saying that five times fast.)

I dropped my car off at my local dealership. First off let me just toss out here Hassett Subaru is awesome. If you are in the market for a new Subaru, check them out, their customer service is excellent and we've (my Dad, my Mom, myself and my cousin) bought/leased new Subes from them this year and we couldn't be happier.

Anyway, I drop my car off Monday morning explaining that another body shop completely dropped the ball and made this ridiculously hilarious mistake that only would happen to me! The service guy chuckles a little (I mean wouldn't you?) and tells me it should only be an hour's worth of labor.

"Great", I tell him, "the other body shop is paying for it."

I call Tom, the manager of the body shop at Mr. G's and he tells me he'll call and give Hassett billing information so I don't have to worry about charging things...because we all know how that turned out...

Get to Hassett after work (the upside to all this is I get to carpool with my Dad and conversation is always well above par in addition to the fact I get to drive my Dad's Legacy Turbo which is incredible) and low and behold...of course the original body shop fails me again.

Seriously guys?

Had to charge the hour of labor on my own credit card and fax the receipt over to Tom the next day. (Reminder to self: double check he got the fax and has sent reimbursement check.)

First thing I do when I get into Lulu is check to make sure all the fluids are coming out the right place (wow that sounded wrong), and hooray! She's back to new!

...how long did this all take?!

The Lulu Saga...reunited

After a weekend without her. I finally heard back from the body shop on Monday. Lulu was all fixed and painted and they just needed to put her back together again. She would be ready for pick up on Tuesday.

Huzzah!

I quickly made plans to leave early from work Tuesday afternoon, jump on a train from my office into Penn and grab an Amtrak to Albany. Once there, Laura would pick me up, we'd retrieve Lulu, have dinner at Smokey Bones and I'd drive back home.

The best laid plans...

Since the body shop closes at 6pm on weekdays I asked the kind gentlemen to bring my paper work and keys up to the cashier on the sales floor because my train would be getting in at 5:45 and I didn't want to cut it too close. I seriously must have called the body shop six different times in a two hour period during the day to fax things over and make sure Chrissy's insurance company paid and all that jazz and at least two out of those six times I confirmed that my keys and paper work would be waiting for me on the sales floor.

Guess what wasn't there when I got to Mr. G's dealership at 6:10?

So we're explaining to the receptionist/cashier that I have to go back home to LI so I can get to work in the morning and that I was told everything would be set for me by the guys in the body shop. She makes a few calls and finds that even though it's only 10 minutes after quitting time the entire body shop is empty.

Well shit.

Finally she calls her manager and asks if there's anything he can do and to please come out and speak with me. Out strolls Mister G himself, the owner of all the dealerships along the strip. We explain the situation, he whips out his iPhone and starts calling the body shop manager and a few other guys to see if any of them can come back to the shop and get my poor little Lulu.

Eventually, after failing to reach anyone, Mr. G rolls up his monogrammed cuffs and breaks into his own body shop to retrieve my paper work and keys. Laura and I sit down and I help myself to some coffee, assuming it's going to be a really really long night.

In walks Mr. G carrying what looks to be my paper work! He shuffles through the pages and tells me that the insurance company hasn't paid yet. Well fuck. What in the hell am I supposed to do? He tells me to put the almost $3k on my credit card and he will hold onto the paper work personally and credit my account once they get the insurance check.

I have no choice but to charge it.

Eons later, I pull Lulu around next to Laura's pretty little Black Bitch (yeah that's right, we named her Sunfire the Black Bitch because she's oh so saucy), and we inspect the repairs in the dim-lit parking lot.

Other than the fact Lulu wreaks of nail polish, everything appears to be fine. We drive off in search of sustenance and after dinner I get back on the road to get home.

Around the Tappan Zee Bridge, I go to clean my windshield. No fluid comes out. Those fuckers, I think, they didn't refill my wiper fluid after they replaced the tank! Oh but no dear readers, NO! Those fuckers did indeed refill my tank, but what they didn't do was check the connections.

Yes, yes my friends...that's right. As I pushed the button to spray my windshield, the wipers did a happy little dry dance, and the fluid came out the back reservoir. Baffled I turned the knob to wash the back windshield and away the wipers went but the fluid sprayed on my front windshield.

WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!

Honestly.

Honestly, who else would this happen to but me? I seriously wish this were the end of the story...

The Lulu Saga...beginnings

If you haven't noticed by now, I give names to everything. Inanimate objects are my favorite things to name. The most popular things to name on my list are computers and cars...mostly because there are so many of both in my household.

My first car, The Tank was an '85 Ford Country Squire Station Wagon, complete with faux wood paneling. You're jealous, don't lie. The Tank is still around, it has literally become the garage meaning we drove it in and started piling things inside The Tank inside the garage. I have lofty plans of restoring The Tank come next year when it's technically a classic, but for now he waits, a sleeping giant.

My next car was the Hunter (seen in all his deliciousness right). Hunter is a 2000 Subaru Forester in, you guessed it, hunter green plus he has after-market wood detailing. I named him such after we found a rifle shell casing in the trunk that the detail guys missed. Hunter himself has been all penguined out and is still kicking around Virginia with Jason.

This year I bought a new car. A shiny black Subaru Outback Sport, when we first met I got inside, started the ignition and drove her off the lot. She said, "Hi, I'm Lulu!" To which I replied, "Hi Lulu, we're going to be good friends."

Lulu has been wonderful. She loves the snow and rain, has just enough trunk space for a long weekend getaway for two, and most importantly she's mine...all mine. I am very protective of Lulu, she is a lady after all and needs some taking care of. The Tank and Hunter were big gruff men and needed no tending to.

That being said, Lulu got her face knocked in, and I couldn't even be mad about it.

Let's jump back here a second. When I go up to Albany to visit my friends who are still living in the area after college, I typically spend most of my time with Laura and my now good friend Chrissy. Usually we park our cars at Chrissy's house and one of us volunteers to drive around town for the day. So I parked Lulu across the street from Chrissy's house in a little cut out near the dead end. This is where I always park when I'm at Chrissy's.

We have a fantastic evening and returned to Chrissy's house Sunday morning to go out together for breakfast. This is when a ridiculous series of events occurred within seconds of each other:

• We pile in Chrissy's car JeepJeep (yes she names her cars too)
• We're super excited and super hungry for breakfast
• Chrissy reverses out of her drive way
• Chrissy checks behind her to make sure the dog and little children haven't snuck out of the house
• JeepJeep comes to a screeching halt
• There is a violent shudder
• We all exchange glances thinking: wtf did we hit?!
• We all exchange glances realizing: shit, my car is back there!!!
• We all pile out of JeepJeep, Chrissy takes one look at Lulu and takes a minute by herself to tear her hair out
  

That being said, Lulu got her face knocked in, and I couldn't even be mad about it.

Chrissy is a ray of sunshine ALWAYS. I've seen the girl sad once in my life and within 10 minutes she's a ball of energy again. I love her dearly. Because of all of this and because of how horrible Chrissy felt, I couldn't be mad at her. In fact, all I could do was laugh.

There we stood, staring at Lulu with her headlight, bumper, and fender all mashed in...and all I could do was laugh!

After about a million phone calls (the least of which I wanted to make was the one to my father telling him my friend had hit my car in broad daylight accidentally), and with the help of Chrissy's Dad, we got Lulu's fender popped back out and zip-tied in place so I could drive the car over to the dealership and leave it to get taken care of. And then we had breakfast....well...lunch at this point.

Chrissy had to run off to work so Laura was kind enough to drop me off at the Poughkeepsie station so I could catch a cheap[er than Amtrak] train. So I finally get home after an hour in the car and a few hours on the Metro North train and another 40 minutes on the LIRR and my Dad meets me across the street from the station in the White Castle parking lot.

To put the icing on the cake, not only could I not be angry about my car being smashed and having to leave it in Albany for the week, but the backpack I borrowed from Laura to take on the trip home with me allowed my klean kanteen to slip out of the water bottle pouch on it. So that pissed me off a whole lot because I love my klean kanteen!

Tune in next time for another installment of the Lulu Saga!