A Day in the Life of Charo

For those of you who don't know, Charo is the wonderful woman I have the privilege of working with 5-days a week. No, that's not her real name, but her utter annoyance, ridiculous appearance and moronic banter has reminded me of Charo so much, that everyone else around me now knows her as Charo and understands exactly what I'm talking about whenever I mention her in a story. In case you were wondering, Charo is a 45 year old divorcee single mom living with her Mother.

8:42am Calls my cell phone. Why on earth did I EVER give her that number? To tell me that she's "down the block" and that she "suffered a migraine yesterday and didn't get much sleep"...LIKE I NEED TO KNOW?! Insight: she's never on time to work, she supposedly works 8:30-5:30 but often doesn't get here until 9:00 or later. At least she's stopped calling me to let me know she's running late and to tell our manager that this came up or that slowed her down this morning. Because honestly, he doesn't give a damn when she's here.
8:45am Strolls quickly into the office.
8:47am Calls friend to tell her a story about her night.
8:55am Finally hangs up with friend, only to go to the restroom to fluff out her ridiculous hair.
9:00am Calls mother to make sure son got to school okay. Mother makes comment about how he was "warm enough for you" when she sent him off to school. I love with Mother makes a crack at Charo's parenting skills.
9:03am Forgot to set the DVR and tries to explain to Mother how to do it for her.
9:05am Pouts when Mother can't figure it out.
9:06am Realizes she's forgotten to send son to school with a snack, and "NO, the other kids won't share with him." Probably because he's an outcast since he has massive ADD.
9:08am Tells Mother to read the directions in the book to learn how to program the DVR because apparently she can't miss this program that is probably something stupid to begin with. Key phrase: "Look in the book, that's how I learned!"
9:10am Knocks hand impatiently against desk.
9:12am Continues to patronize Mother as she attempts to set DVR. "I knew I should have done this, I have too much on my mind." Read: You're a dumbass Mother, and I can't believe you can't figure this out yourself!
9:13am Cell phone rings while on office phone. For once it's on vibrate instead of some awful loud pop song. Charo actually doesn't answer.
9:14am From the sounds of it, Mother asks why doesn't she just come home and do it herself. "This really isn't that difficult, HIT RECORD! I have to work! This is exactly what I wanted to watch."
9:15am Mother finally figures it out. Charo demands address to someone's house barely thanking Mother.
9:16am Finally hangs up.

9:53am Charo walks into my cube, without announcing herself or knocking, and asks if we have mailing labels. She literally has her hand on the box of them while she's asking me where they are.
9:54am Asks me if I went away this weekend, even though we had this discussion twice last week that I wasn't going away because I have work and I have a lot of house-hold things to take care of.
9:55am Charo's one actual friend in the office comes into my cube...at least he knocks! But he isn't here to talk to me. We'll call him Doofus. Doofus goes on to tell Charo how he met someone who was asking about her and Doofus gave random guy her number.
9:56am My manager T, whose office is right next to my cube closes his door. I can't help but laugh at the fact that he doesn't want to hear their mindless drivel about Charo's pathetic personal life any more than I do. Doofus thinks I'm laughing about something he said in his story. I tell him I was laughing at the closed door behind him.
9:58am They finally leave my area. But continue their conversation in Charo's cube.
9:59am T's door opens and Denise pops out. I actually like Denise, we commiserate together often about the annoying people we have to deal with. It was actually her who closed T's office door and I tell her how I thought it was him because they were standing right there talking.
10:00am Denise can't believe they were standing in my cube having a conversation without even involving me...not that I wanted to be involved in said conversation.
10:01am I eat a cookie T has given me. It is delicious. He never gives Charo cookies. I am his favorite assistant.
10:07am Doofus finally leaves after T calls Charo on her phone (despite the fact she's 20ft away from his office and doesn't hear him calling her). In parting she says she's eating lunch in the cafeteria today and he should join her so they can continue what I'm sure was a very interesting an crutial conversation.

10:20am Message from the email happy Charo: she has a dentist appointment tomorrow morning! Is it okay if she comes in early so she can leave for an hour during the day? THIS IS MY BUSINESS HOW?!?!

10:28am Call from friend (possibly ex-husband?) something having to do with son's hurt feelings. Apparently Charo loves new baby niece more than her own son?! Key phrase: "I get excited because she's a girl, but he is my pride and joy and I tell him that!"
10:30am Explains that she has to tell her son constantly, "I am the adult, I make the decisions." *laugh* "But that little girl's cheeks! I just want to eat her up!" I fear for this child.

11:34am Calls friend. Some guy friended her on Facebook and she needs confirmation from an outside source that she does in fact know him.
11:38am After a long-winded reply, her friend assures her, yes in fact Charo, you know this random guy! And she hangs up.

12:53pm I get back from lunch and Charo is just finishing another personal call...wonder if she was on the phone the entire time I was gone?

1:02pm Oh dear God! Her holiday ringtone is back! "Santa Claus, Santa Claus, must have been old Santa Claus..."

1:25pm Passes off work to me. Yeah, thanks for that. This is actually her responsibility to take care of, not mine.

1:34pm Finally realizes her phone had rang while she was away from her desk. Calls back to confirm dentist appointment tomorrow that I didn't need to know about in the first place.

2:09pm Enters my cube yet again unannounced and asks if I suffer from migraines. I'm sorry were we having a conversation? Did I miss the beginning of it?

3:20pm Phone buzzes on desk. Charo answers. It's a friend and she tells her all about the date she's going on tonight.
3:35pm Now that I know everything there is to know about this man since Charo really has no indoor voice, she hangs up.

3:40pm Doofus is back. Charo tells him all about how at lunch she was sitting in her car in the Sushi Express parking lot and a teenager hit her bumper.
3:41pm Doofus is aghast, how could a new teenage driver be so stupid and irresponsible!
3:42pm Charo explains how she's totally saving teenage driver's father like 5 grand a year just because she's not putting it through insurance and instead he's just going to pay for any repairs to her bumper.
3:45pm Urge to smack Charo...rising...
4:10pm Gathering my things to leave, Charo is still going on about the "accident". GET ME OUT OF HERE!


Sometimes I wish I was creative enough to make all of this up...but I'm really not. I'm so glad I don't have to see her face or hear the stupid quiet voice she puts on to sound attractive until next year!