Deep Thought Thursday

This is something that has been bothering me all week. While I was driving home from the doctor's office last Friday I was nearly hit by a woman in a Nissan Pathfinder with a bumper sticker that said the following:

Uncle Sam wants YOU to speak English!

Dear horrible driver,
I'm not sure how you ascertained this information. Do you know Uncle Sam personally? I don't think you do.

You see, since I went to school in Troy, NY I've actually sucked up quite a lot of Uncle Sam trivia by osmosis and I'd like to share with you the following contradictions in your choice of bumper stickers.

First off, Uncle Sam was a hard working man. A meatpacker who supplied troops up and down the Hudson with beef and other supplies. When things were stamped U.S. the troops and teamsters jokingly said it was all from Uncle Sam instead of the Army.

He was an ordinary man.

He became a household name.

And his parents were immigrants.

They came over from Scotland and although he was born in Virginia I doubt they only spoke English at home.

Something tells me you are sorrily re-missed in thinking that Uncle Sam would ever care if you spoke another language. In fact I'm fairly certain that he would look down on your snobbish and arrogant bumper sticker.

How many languages do you speak? My guess is you are so ignorant and xenophobic that you've never bothered to broaden your linguistic spectrum. Shame on you. There are billions of people in this world and MANY of those people who are English-speaking people ALSO know other languages. In fact most Europeans speak their native language AND go about learning English as well.

So why so short minded?

I personally think Uncle Sam would have more of an issue with you driving a Japan-made car. If you really wanted to support Ameruka! and all it stands for, maybe you should have bought a Ford.

Love, Elise



(Image by Tara Engberg for The New York Times)

Wear Purple Wednesday

I am a very tolerant person. Although in general I dislike "people" as a whole, I still care and sympathize/empathize with those who face persecution just for being who they are.

When we were at Busch Gardens on Saturday Jason and I went to see the Monster Stomp Revamped show (which was fabulous) and there was a row of people sitting across from us who were special guests of someone. Either to the park in general or to someone who worked for the park and they had a row reserved.

The people sitting behind us who sounded like they would have been perfectly cast into Deliverance made a snide comment about one of the men sitting in the row because of the way he wore his pants. Sounds ridiculous right? I mean I have pretty good gay-dar and I could tell some of the people in that row were fabulous but I've been surrounded by gays, transgenders, and whatever else they'd like to be labeled as (or remained unlabeled) for years now and don't think twice about it.

There's nothing wrong with them, they are human beings and responding to what feels right, in fact I don't even like calling the gay community a "them" because in my eyes they shouldn't be segregated or partitioned off from the non-gays.

We're all human, plain and simple.

I wish some people could remember that!

It took all my strength not to turn around and say something to the couple behind us. I don't even think Jason knew how angry it made me to hear the blatant ignorance. I knew it existed but I had never experienced it first hand and I mean why would I experience it? I'm on the "right" side of the line aren't I? I'm a heterosexual woman engaged to a heterosexual man and that's okay with everyone! Why would anyone persecute me?

Well go ahead and do it, persecute me. Just leave my friends alone. Let my gay boyfriends live their lives. Let my lesbian girlfriends get married if they want. Let my transgender friends be whoever they want to be.

And to support them all, please wear purple tomorrow.

On october 20th we will wear purple to bring awareness to, and put an end to intolerance in honor of the 6 boys who commited suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse at home and in schools. Purple represents spirit on the Lgbtq flag and that's exactly what we would like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your parents, friends, co-workers, neighbors and schools.

RIP
Tyler Clementi
Seth Walsh
Justin Aaberg
Raymond Chase
Asher Brown
Billy Lucas
Zach Harrington
and all other victims of homophobia

Charo: New Depths of Stupidity!

Charo has reached new heights! Or rather maybe I should say new lows in her constant ability to shock me in how stupid she really is.

Last Thursday on payday Charo apparently did something very out of the ordinary for her. She paid a bill in full. *GASP*

Now to me, that's a common occurrence. I only every buy things that I know I can pay for immediately and just don't have the cash on me at the time, or that I know when the bill comes in I can pay off in full. I very rarely carry over a balance on my credit cards and I know it will be a difficult adjustment in the coming months when I start buying wedding things and can't possibly pay for all of it at once and have to pay installments...but I digress.

Charo on the other hand has absolutely no savings and is very stupid with her money and lives from paycheck to paycheck.

Anyway, Charo suddenly realizes she has paid her bill in full and is verbally abusing herself the whole time she calls up Verizon to tell them she didn't mean to pay off the whole bill since it isn't due till the end of June. They say to call her bank and have the payment stopped. Her bank says it's already been posted so they can't do anything about it and she should bring it up with Verizon.

Meanwhile she's called her ever-understanding mother to explain what's going on. Mommy dearest basically bitches out Charo about being so stupid with her money and reminds her that rent is due. Yeah, she is living with her mom again and can't afford to move out.

I understand this, I'm living with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own and it'd be stupid to waste money when I'm working so close. But when they ask me if I can pay for groceries or kick for a certain phone/cable bill I'm always willing and able because I have a savings account I can dip into on a rainy day. And since I'm not paying a monthly rent I don't mind at all picking up incidentals like that.

Frustrated that Mother dearest is angry with her for being stupid, Charo basically tells her to eff off and not to worry about it.

Verizon tells her that if she wants she can put in a petition to get a refund. She is panicked that she'll be out the $200 for two weeks and really needs the money back. They tell her to call back in a week.

Again she calls Mommy dearest and tells her the update that she should be getting back the money and everything will be fine. She's "banking on it" in fact. I'm sorry, but where in the conversation did Verizon promise anything? My thoughts are she's just digging herself a bigger hole.

Today Charo calls back Verizon because apparently her petition has been denied and she won't be getting a refund. She is AGHAST at their ruthlessness. How dare they not give her money back!

Let's back-peddle for a second here...Charo paid her bill in full. It was her error because she is a moron and apparently doesn't know how the website works. This is legitimately her fault, it has nothing to do with Verizon at all. Obviously their policy is if you have a balance out on your account they can't refund you any money. That seems perfectly sensible to me.

Well not to Charo...

She goes off on the customer service rep and demands to talk to a supervisor. When she gets on the phone with the supervisor he informs her that this is their policy and it always has been. Charo badgers the supervisor and explains that if the original customer service rep had known that she wouldn't have gotten her money back she should have been informed last week instead of having to wait a week to be denied.

Then, in true Charo fashion, she threatens to leave the company. "Well what if I tell you I'm going to leave Verizon, what would you do?" He probably replies that he'd do nothing. "Well what can you do to keep me as a customer? What are you willing to offer me?"

Seriously Charo? Asking for a freebie when you're pissed at them because you paid a bill?! So what you're basically doing is asking for a reward for paying your bill in full and before the due date? Maybe they should really have thrown you a parade!

I just can't...really...I can't.

So what is Charo's solution? "I'm going to switch to AT&T and get an iPhone!"

First off she has such a huge Verizon bill because she has a Blackberry. She has NO NEED for one. I know this because I don't even have a need for one and I use the internet much more and have Freelance design clients contacting me and wedding vendors and such. I actually could use a Blackberry but am not willing to pay a ridiculous amount for the data package which is why I haven't gotten one yet. Because I'm trying to save money and that's what you do, you make sacrifices.

For me my little phone with unlimited txting is plenty for now. In the coming months I might change my mind but we'll see what happens.

Regardless. Charo has a Blackberry for no reason and is paying a lot to have it. Like at least $100 a month. I pay maybe $30 a month. Instead she wants to get an iPhone which is even more expensive than a Blackberry. That's the ideal situation in Charo-land. And I applaud her stupidity for that.

The sky is falling!

If you hadn't heard the northeast got hit really really hard this weekend with hurricane winds and rain. New Jersey is still under water and there are roughly 2800 people on Long Island who still don't have power and haven't had it since Saturday.

Now let's step back here for a moment. Saturday early evening Casey picked me up from the train station and we ran an errand over to Michael's where I hit an awesome sale on supplies I needed for Laura's shower invites.

On our way we had to pull into a Carvel parking lot and snap a photo of this:

The sky is falling...and so are the ice cream cones. We're talking ridiculous winds here people, crap was falling out of the sky left and right!

Casey just got a new car...or rather, new to her car. His name is Sven and he is a 1998 Volvo S70. He's fantastic, all the ladies love him.

Sven is also much safer than the Eclipse that was totaled when Casey was hit last month by a girl making an illegal blind left turn into the exit of a strip mall. I am happy Casey has Sven because I worry about her safety.

Anyway. We suddenly decided that we should do something fabulous for our birthday since this year is our quarter century. Cruise to the Bahamas? Yes, please. We spent most the night as the power flickered on and off and the wind blew hard against my windows researching different cruises and how much a 3-day cruise would be.

Long story short, we're too poor to go on a cruise but we're thinking about going to Universal Orlando and staying with my wonderful friend Ron and just spending a long weekend in the warm warm Florida weather.

Once we had enough sitting there planning we decided to venture out and get something to eat. We tried to get to Outback but the roads were flooded. We tried then to turn around and go to Friday's but the power had gone out in that town. We wound up at an Applebees and it was pretty delicious.

What the hell is my point?!

People are still without power. This is awful, but people some people just won't stop complaining about it. There is a LOT of damage and it takes a LOT of time to repair that damage before power can be restored fully.

I know this because my father works for a utility company.

People are all over the news crying about how the utility companies don't care and they're dragging their feet and wah wah wah. They are doing everything they can!

I know this because my father works for a utility company and has been working non-stop since Sunday morning.

The other morning I was getting some iced coffee from DD and a cop and some random guy were standing there bad mouthing the "lazy" utility company workers. The cop basically said that he'd been sitting in road blocks all day waving people past downed wires and that the only thing he'd seen from the utility company was a truck stop, look at the damage, make a note of it and drive away.

There is a certain level of triage that the utility companies have to go through. First they assess the damage, then they determine which repairs will be the most important to the largest number of people and then they send crews out to make the repairs. They had everyone imaginable out in the field logging damage and now they have everyone imaginable out in the field starting repairs. They have crews in from Connecticut and even Detroit helping them in these repairs.

My father who has worked with a utility company for over 30 years and is now a manager who works a desk job has been driving around all day every day since Sunday. So listen to me people, they are doing everything they can. It's not like they are sitting on their butts delegating work, they have managers and uppity ups out in the field doing work.

I understand the frustration of being without power for an extended period of time. But this happens all the time in NH where Jason's family lives. During the ice storms this winter and last winter Jason's family was without power for 4 days. And that was in the middle of winter when the temperature was below freezing. Did they complain? No. Were they inconvenienced? Of course. But I just feel like no one up there made THAT big a deal out of it all. They would get power back when they got power back and they prepared themselves for the lack of power and survived through.

Power goes out on LI for a few days and everybody's irritable, angry, complain-y, and mean. Again, I understand the frustration, but just don't take it out on the utility companies. A lot of them don't have power at home either and they're trying their hardest to do everything they can to expedite the repairs so they can go home and turn a light on.

End rant.

A Day in the Life of Charo

For those of you who don't know, Charo is the wonderful woman I have the privilege of working with 5-days a week. No, that's not her real name, but her utter annoyance, ridiculous appearance and moronic banter has reminded me of Charo so much, that everyone else around me now knows her as Charo and understands exactly what I'm talking about whenever I mention her in a story. In case you were wondering, Charo is a 45 year old divorcee single mom living with her Mother.

8:42am Calls my cell phone. Why on earth did I EVER give her that number? To tell me that she's "down the block" and that she "suffered a migraine yesterday and didn't get much sleep"...LIKE I NEED TO KNOW?! Insight: she's never on time to work, she supposedly works 8:30-5:30 but often doesn't get here until 9:00 or later. At least she's stopped calling me to let me know she's running late and to tell our manager that this came up or that slowed her down this morning. Because honestly, he doesn't give a damn when she's here.
8:45am Strolls quickly into the office.
8:47am Calls friend to tell her a story about her night.
8:55am Finally hangs up with friend, only to go to the restroom to fluff out her ridiculous hair.
9:00am Calls mother to make sure son got to school okay. Mother makes comment about how he was "warm enough for you" when she sent him off to school. I love with Mother makes a crack at Charo's parenting skills.
9:03am Forgot to set the DVR and tries to explain to Mother how to do it for her.
9:05am Pouts when Mother can't figure it out.
9:06am Realizes she's forgotten to send son to school with a snack, and "NO, the other kids won't share with him." Probably because he's an outcast since he has massive ADD.
9:08am Tells Mother to read the directions in the book to learn how to program the DVR because apparently she can't miss this program that is probably something stupid to begin with. Key phrase: "Look in the book, that's how I learned!"
9:10am Knocks hand impatiently against desk.
9:12am Continues to patronize Mother as she attempts to set DVR. "I knew I should have done this, I have too much on my mind." Read: You're a dumbass Mother, and I can't believe you can't figure this out yourself!
9:13am Cell phone rings while on office phone. For once it's on vibrate instead of some awful loud pop song. Charo actually doesn't answer.
9:14am From the sounds of it, Mother asks why doesn't she just come home and do it herself. "This really isn't that difficult, HIT RECORD! I have to work! This is exactly what I wanted to watch."
9:15am Mother finally figures it out. Charo demands address to someone's house barely thanking Mother.
9:16am Finally hangs up.

9:53am Charo walks into my cube, without announcing herself or knocking, and asks if we have mailing labels. She literally has her hand on the box of them while she's asking me where they are.
9:54am Asks me if I went away this weekend, even though we had this discussion twice last week that I wasn't going away because I have work and I have a lot of house-hold things to take care of.
9:55am Charo's one actual friend in the office comes into my cube...at least he knocks! But he isn't here to talk to me. We'll call him Doofus. Doofus goes on to tell Charo how he met someone who was asking about her and Doofus gave random guy her number.
9:56am My manager T, whose office is right next to my cube closes his door. I can't help but laugh at the fact that he doesn't want to hear their mindless drivel about Charo's pathetic personal life any more than I do. Doofus thinks I'm laughing about something he said in his story. I tell him I was laughing at the closed door behind him.
9:58am They finally leave my area. But continue their conversation in Charo's cube.
9:59am T's door opens and Denise pops out. I actually like Denise, we commiserate together often about the annoying people we have to deal with. It was actually her who closed T's office door and I tell her how I thought it was him because they were standing right there talking.
10:00am Denise can't believe they were standing in my cube having a conversation without even involving me...not that I wanted to be involved in said conversation.
10:01am I eat a cookie T has given me. It is delicious. He never gives Charo cookies. I am his favorite assistant.
10:07am Doofus finally leaves after T calls Charo on her phone (despite the fact she's 20ft away from his office and doesn't hear him calling her). In parting she says she's eating lunch in the cafeteria today and he should join her so they can continue what I'm sure was a very interesting an crutial conversation.

10:20am Message from the email happy Charo: she has a dentist appointment tomorrow morning! Is it okay if she comes in early so she can leave for an hour during the day? THIS IS MY BUSINESS HOW?!?!

10:28am Call from friend (possibly ex-husband?) something having to do with son's hurt feelings. Apparently Charo loves new baby niece more than her own son?! Key phrase: "I get excited because she's a girl, but he is my pride and joy and I tell him that!"
10:30am Explains that she has to tell her son constantly, "I am the adult, I make the decisions." *laugh* "But that little girl's cheeks! I just want to eat her up!" I fear for this child.

11:34am Calls friend. Some guy friended her on Facebook and she needs confirmation from an outside source that she does in fact know him.
11:38am After a long-winded reply, her friend assures her, yes in fact Charo, you know this random guy! And she hangs up.

12:53pm I get back from lunch and Charo is just finishing another personal call...wonder if she was on the phone the entire time I was gone?

1:02pm Oh dear God! Her holiday ringtone is back! "Santa Claus, Santa Claus, must have been old Santa Claus..."

1:25pm Passes off work to me. Yeah, thanks for that. This is actually her responsibility to take care of, not mine.

1:34pm Finally realizes her phone had rang while she was away from her desk. Calls back to confirm dentist appointment tomorrow that I didn't need to know about in the first place.

2:09pm Enters my cube yet again unannounced and asks if I suffer from migraines. I'm sorry were we having a conversation? Did I miss the beginning of it?

3:20pm Phone buzzes on desk. Charo answers. It's a friend and she tells her all about the date she's going on tonight.
3:35pm Now that I know everything there is to know about this man since Charo really has no indoor voice, she hangs up.

3:40pm Doofus is back. Charo tells him all about how at lunch she was sitting in her car in the Sushi Express parking lot and a teenager hit her bumper.
3:41pm Doofus is aghast, how could a new teenage driver be so stupid and irresponsible!
3:42pm Charo explains how she's totally saving teenage driver's father like 5 grand a year just because she's not putting it through insurance and instead he's just going to pay for any repairs to her bumper.
3:45pm Urge to smack Charo...rising...
4:10pm Gathering my things to leave, Charo is still going on about the "accident". GET ME OUT OF HERE!


Sometimes I wish I was creative enough to make all of this up...but I'm really not. I'm so glad I don't have to see her face or hear the stupid quiet voice she puts on to sound attractive until next year!

Give Peace a Chance

So this morning was rough. I didn't get out of the store last night until after midnight. Decided that against my better hair judgment I'd shower before passing out and woke up with the most amazing bedhead ever.

Got ready, after only four or so hours of sleep and meandered out to my car to head to work. It was then that I realized there was something different about Lulu.

Ages ago while we were in Bartonsville, PA for our annual family vacation we came upon this fantastic store called Dave's Tie Dye & Hippie Gifts. Being curious consumers we went inside and since then we've gone back every single summer just to peruse the hippie skirts and random paraphernalia Dave has around the store.

A few years back I purchased a camouflaged peace sign magnet to put on the Hunter. It made me content in my own little way, I liked that it was camo because it was almost as if I was supporting the troops while supporting peace.

Cue to this morning when I saw a peace sign-shaped dust pattern on Lulu's rear.

SOMEONE STOLE MY PEACE SIGN!

Who does that? Honestly?

What kind of a thought process does a person have whereupon they see a peace sign magnet and think, I'ma gonna steal that damn peace sign! I hate peace signs!

I am so upset. Not only that someone would remove a magnet from my car, but in all honesty I thought if I was ever going to lose one it wouldn't be my PEACE SIGN! If anything I thought someone would yoink my Save the Tatas magnet because it's far more interesting than a camouflaged peace sign!

Now I'm going to have to wait until next August to go to Dave's again and buy a new one. *sadface*

Shoes and St. Judes

I mentioned last week that although I might not necessarily need them, I've been searching for a new pair of cute black leather boots to wear with pants and/or skirts. I wore my last pair to death and haven't replaced them for the past two years...but I refused to pay a ridiculous amount for them.

I was on my way to my second job at the beebeedubs the other night when I saw that Nine West Outlet was having a huge boot sale right next door. So I went in and did a lap and immediately realized that the boots on sale for $20 right in the front of the store were the exact same boots I bought two years ago in camel leather (which I still have/wear btw). These boots are comfy, classy enough to wear with pants and cute enough to wear with skirts (although I probably haven't done so yet).

Huzzah!

As I'm trying on the two sizes I usually run in Nine West, I overhear a disturbing exchange going on not five feet from me at the cash register. It goes something like this, the sweet nice girl sales associate is completing the woman customer's transaction and her manager is standing there as well.

Would you like to donate $1 to the St. Jude's Fund?
No! In fact, what I'd like is for St. Jude to give me a dollar! You know?! She turns to the manager.
Right, he laughs it off uncomfortably.

The woman leaves and then the sales associate and the manager discuss.
How do you not know what St. Jude is?
Yeah, I wanted to be like, Actually, St. Jude is a Children's Hospital and they research cancer. So the money you'd be donating will help save children's lives all over the country.

By this point I'm done figuring out which size is right for me and I'm up at the cash wrap.
I can't believe she didn't know what St. Jude was, I can't help but continue the conversation.
Seriously, I mean it's okay if you don't want to make a donation. People say no all the time, but to put down a charity that helps children and say they should be paying you?! That's just wrong.
I agree.
Would you like to donate $1.
Of course I would.
She adds $1 onto my transaction and when she hands me my recipt she scans a coupon and gives it to me. It's for 20% off any purchases I make the entire month of January. Sweet!
Now if she had just shut up and donated a dollar, St. Jude would have given her something in return!
Yes, yes they would have.
I certainly hope that her chidren never need to rely on St. Jude for anything in the future.
We tell each other to have a nice night and a happy holiday and we all go on our merry way.

Seriously?! Seriously?!

Sometimes I honestly can't understand people. Yeah, it can get a little aggrivating when every other vendor/store is asking if you'd like to make a donation to some charity every other time you purchase something...but to say something so horrible? To want to take money away from children's cancer research? That's just wrong.

I don't care if you're ill informed, I don't care if you for some reason hate children, you just don't EVER go that far. But how could you be so ill informed/ignorant? In grammar school we did Math-a-thons to support St. Jude, there are commercials with people like Robin Williams, Jennifer Aniston, and Antonio Benderas sitting with a child who is obviously a cancer patient all over TV!

I agree that sometimes people can be pushy when it comes to donations, but they just don't know any better. Guilting people into a donation is not the way to do it, you should simply ask and then inform if they don't recognize the cause.

I certainly hope you consider donating to a cause you feel is worthy this holiday season. Even if it's donating a coat you no longer use, or mismatched socks to the homeless. Every little bit helps.