Horseshoes and Handgrenades

And this is why I love my brother...


Me: so last night I had a dream
Me: that we were sky diving out of a helicopter
Me: and Julianne and Dad dropped together
Me: but then we were catching up to them because the helicopter was falling out of the sky
Me: and you kind of crash landed upright in the woods
Dan: That's pretty fucked up
Me: and suddenly I was this little Chinese escapee or something and some asshole gave me a armed grenade that I couldn't let go of lest we all die
Me: and I found some soldier in a Volkswagen micro-bus nearby and asked for his help
Me: and then these badasses came out of now where and started shooting at him
Me: so I threw the grenade at them
Me: and then I ran
Me: and everyone was running towards me but I waved them off and the bus exploded
Me: and then I climbed up a tree with my flat little shoes
Me: it was so weird
Dan: Unscrew the fuse from the main body next time
Me: well I thought of that when I woke up
Me: that I could unscrew something
Dan: Elise, what the hell did you have for dinner?
Me: meatloaf?
Dan: Well, so far as I know the pin and spoon screw into the grenade body. You could conceivable unscrew that from the body and then just let go of the spoon.
Me: good to know
Dan: Then the fuse would burn down, but not have any bursting charge to set off.
Dan: Since that's in the body, which you've disconnected...
Me: I like how you totally disregard your crash landing a helicopter or me suddenly being Asian and go straight for the munitions part
Me:
Dan: I focused on the thing I could actually affect.


Good to know!

Mediocrity!

Last night was pretty low key. We all had a really long weekend (my father and I spent all Saturday schlepping around Brooklyn with my grandma) and we literally all just kind of zonked out watching Cash Cab and screaming answers at the stupid contestants.

This commercial popped up during one of the breaks:


I just turned to my Dad and said, "Really?"

Because it was such an amazing commercial!

He was up in a second navigating to 2011Mediocrity.com to find out just which car company was behind it. He had his suspicions it was Subaru but my Mom fervently thought it was Volkswagen.

The website is hilarious. I completely applaud ANY company that will go THIS far with their marketing.

My favorite part is Mediocrity Motor Company's Mission Statement:

The Mediocrity mission is to manufacture the most mainstream mid-size sedan on the road today. Our company is extremely dedicated and passionate about "middle-of-the-road." Each and every day, we strive for predictability, unoriginality and no-frills utilitarianism for all of your transportation needs. The 2011 Mediocrity will get you from A to B without anybody ever noticing, and that's a good thing.

If you then click the button at the bottom of the Mission Statement that says "Click here if you don't subscribe to these principles at all" it brings you here.

Well done folks. Well done.

Makes me love Subaru even more!

MM: Tasty

Okay so legit, this man is hot.


Whether he's dancing in baggy clothes, running around in a ridiculous GIJoe suit, or just plain lying around in his underwear Channing Tatum is freak'n gorgeous.

This one's also enjoyable:


Okay I'm done drooling now...

Manjoyment Monday: I Miss Him

Last week I sat down and watched a movie with my Dad. He had gotten The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus from NetFlix and neither of us really knew anything about it except that it was Heath Ledger's last movie.

Let me just throw this one out here. Ever since 10 Things I Hate About You I've loved Heath Ledger. I thought he was a tremendous actor, looked nothing like all the "pretty boys" of Hollywood that every other girl swooned over, and one day I hoped he'd give me a tambourine.

As he was in more and more films I respected his acting exponentially. The Patriot, Casanova, Brothers Grim, and of course his chilling portrayal of the Joker in Dark Knight - words can't even describe the incredible job he did with that part.

I still remember going out and buying the Vogue that he was on the cover on just so I could read more about his career. This photo was in one of those spreads:


That was right around the time he was filming A Knight's Tale because I remember them talking about him riding around on set. I enjoyed the way he tried different parts in different genres of movies. I've never seen them but I heard fantastic things about Brokeback Mountain and Monster's Ball. All around he was a great actor and I seriously believe it when they say he would have been the greatest actor of his generation.

The day I heard he died was a sad day indeed. I remember folding laundry with my mother and listening to a news report about how RENT was closing on Broadway (which upset me enough) and then there was an urgent report about how Heath had been found dead in his apartment in the City. That officially killed it, right there.

Horrible. Day.

But back to Doctor Parnassus...

We sat there watching it and were like...ummm...huh? We had no expectations for it nor did we know anything about the plot line and it was super intriguing. We couldn't stop watching it even if we wanted to.

The first time Tony (Heath's character) steps into the Imaginarium my Dad turned to me and said, "I can't believe Johnny Depp didn't play this character, he would have been perfect for it." And then as if the Imaginarium heard him, Heath Ledger turned into Johnny Depp.

It wasn't until the second time he was in the Imaginarium and Heath turned into Jude Law that we realized what was going on. At that point I was really interested in what the heck was happening and hopped over to IMDB to figure it all out. Once I read a little more about it I remembered that not only had it been Heath's last movie, but he had died in the midst of filming it. It suddenly made so much more sense.

Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell all stepped in after Heath's death to finish the movie for him. The producers, directors and staff actually decided to make a few re-writes and complete the film using other talented actors as stand-ins.


The result was phenomenal. I'm not saying it's my favorite movie ever. It was written and directed by Terry Gilliam so it was a little weird to begin with. The best I could describe it was Monty Python meets Tim Burton with a dash of Toon Town. But overall the way they wove the footage together if I hadn't know Heath had died in the middle of filming, I wouldn't have noticed. It wasn't disjointed at all, it was marvelous.

I thought it was also great how Jude, Johnny and Colin not only stepped in to finish Heath's work but they also gave all of the money they made off the movie to Matilda Heath's daughter. While we were watching some bonus footage one of them said basically: "We thought if Heath had finished the money would have gone to her anyway and we wanted to support her future."

So totally sweet. So unexpected. So strange a movie.

Improv Everywhere

On Saturday I participated in the mp3 Experiment. Originally I was going into the City to visit my friends James and Glenn and see their new apartment on the upper east side. Plus James had to help me fix something on my laptop and he's pretty much been my IT Savior since college so I lugged my backpack around NYC all day.

I met Matty and his roommate for lunch since they were in town to see a show and it's been awhile since I've seen him. Then I made my way uptown to James and Glenn's.

The weather could not have been more perfect on Saturday by the way, it was breezy and cool but sunny. Ideal City weather.

Met James's friend Laura and he fixed our computers and then we got ourselves together and packed our bookbags with things we needed for the mp3 Experiment and headed back down to Grand Central.

The instructions for this year's Experiment were to download the mp3 and load it onto your device without listening to it (of course James listened to it beforehand because he's James), be in a certain part of NYC at a certain time and hit play exactly at 6pm, pack a bag with a roll of toilet paper, a marker, two 8.5"x11" pages with letters on them, and a gift for someone. They suggested something you had lying around your house that you no longer want and someone else might find useful. Laura wrapped up a tape measure, I wrapped up a pair of American flag sunglasses left over from the Party in the USA, and James wrapped up a copy of Windows Vista he wasn't ever going to use.

The instructions were that you should start out in a retail store somewhere between Park and 8th Ave from 39th to 42nd. We were running a little late and met our friend Sara in Quicksilver in Time Square. The store was PACKED with people plugged into headphones.

And then we all started slow dancing with an inanimate object. Almost the entire store was part of the Experiment. Those who weren't really had no clue as to what was happening and looked a little freaked out.

Then we took to the streets and freaked people out further by freezing in place for a good minute. We continued to wander around the streets first pretending to be in a marching band, then doing silly walks. Finally we picked a stranger and followed behind them forming as long a single file line as we could mimicking what they were doing. Once that was done we gave as many strangers high fives as we could to show them that we're "fun people" and that they shouldn't be scared of us.

From there we moved onto Bryant Park because the Improv Everywhere narrator Steve was waiting for us. According to his brother Mark who was narrating for us in Steve's stead, it was Steve's birthday on Saturday and Mark was throwing him a surprise party in Bryant Park but Steve was already there and he was all alone.

We crept into Bryant Park, thoroughly confusing everyone who was already there and when Steve turned to look we ducked under tables and chairs and hid behind trees. All at once we jumped up and "Surprised!" Steve. From there we took a speed lap around the gravel track, which proved to be hilarious since half of us were going the opposite way and we had to turn around when we ran into the other half of the group.

Kind of looks like Pollock doesn't it?

Then we got together on the grass and pulled out our letters and spelled words with a partner. James and I spelled BEES and we were in high demand when we started making sentences.


After that we drew portraits of a partner on the back of our paper. The one Laura drew of me was pretty freak'n hilarious.

And then we drew a map of the world, passing our paper to strangers until all 7 continents were drawn. These maps were ridiculous. I guess I forgot that lots of people don't know geography very well. Finally Steve told us to star Nicaragua on our map. I overheard someone saying, "That's in Africa right?" *facepalm*

Next we exchanged gifts with a stranger. I gave my sunglasses to a nice lady standing next to me and from her I got Memoirs of a Geisha which I have not read so it was a pretty good gift.

James got a candle which he was extremely pleased with. Funnier still it was hazelnut scented and the fragrance was called "Smell My Nuts" and all I have to say is that they do in fact smell wonderful.

They got an awesome photo of James and a great photo of the woman I gave my sunglasses to but apparently I got cropped out of both photos even though I was standing right next to them.

After the gift exchange we pulled out our rolls of toilet paper and Steve informed us that we were going to have a mummy dance party but first we had to get ready.

We partnered up again and wrapped each other in toilet paper like mummies. Hilarity ensued as everyone stood around wrapped from head to toe in TP.

Then we danced!

Here's an awesome shot of my friend Sara. Toilet paper is SO in this season!

It was quite possibly one of the funniest things I've ever experienced. I'm so glad that we heard about this event and got to participate because it really was exciting and although pointless it was fun!

Snagged this photo with my phone.

(Photos: Group shot borrowed from Chad Nicholson and solo shots borrowed from Ilya Chigirev.)

mp3 Experiment 7

I'll be there.

Will you?

I'm DANCING!

Okay so there is no dancing here today per-say. But I am totally doing a little dance in my chair right now and I'll tell you why!

You all know that I love nerds. You all might realize at this point that I'm quite the nerd myself. So when I tell you that there's a Web Series that I love because it's about nerds I doubt you'd be shocked.

It's called The Guild and it is quite possibly one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It's a show written by Felicia Day about a group of people who play "The Game" aka WOW and are in a Guild together. The first season is all about them meeting out of game and becoming friends. The second season is a character developer. The third season tears them all apart and introduces a rival Guild and the fourth season has thus far been quite the gem.

Wil Wheaton (who I've loved since Star Trek: TNG) popped up as the leader of the rival Guild in season three and becomes a fake love interest for Felicia Day's character. One of the guys in the show who has been in love with her from the start gets this incredible piece of art done for her to show he supports their relationship 110%:


First of all, let's just talk about this image: It is GOLD.

This is like trashy romance novel cover art at it's BEST. (And we all know how I love those!) The original artwork is done by a man named Greg Aronowitz who I just want to kiss because this tickles me THAT MUCH.

Also, because I'm a dork I follow Felicia Day on twitter and after that episode aired I tweeted at her that they should totally produce the "Highland Sextasy" image as a poster. Apparently I wasn't the only person who asked for it because low and behold just yesterday she said:

feliciaday: FINALLY! Per demand: Thanks to our friends at @thinkgeek - Team Cawkes poster now available to purchase! http://bit.ly/cawkes

It's already on backorder. And I already have visions of buying it, framing it, and putting it on the wall above my craft'n table. I asked Jason if he'd still love me if I did this...the verdict is still out on that one.

But come on, wouldn't you just pee yourself with laughter if you walked into someone's room and saw that poster?!