The Wee Wee Hours of the Morning

I knew going into this wedding that since it was a Sunday morning affair we would have to wake up at the ass-crack of dawn just to get our hair done. So here's a run-down of that exciting time in my life.

4:30am Wake up, almost trip over Jason's things piled in room because it is still pitch black out and I cannot turn the light on without waking my companion.
4:33am Somehow make it downstairs only to find Nanny already awake and asking if I'll make her coffee since she doesn't know how to use Mom's Mr. Coffee.
4:37am Shower, somehow managing to do so half asleep.
4:45am Wake up sister.
4:47am Mindlessly dress in clothes I carefully laid out the night before knowing I wouldn't be able to function and somehow get contacts in.
4:50am Finish packing back-pack o'shit to bring with me for the day.
5:00am Double check back-pack o'shit to make sure I truly have everything for the day.
5:05am Rummage through basement to find little Playmate cooler and leave note on it (and the fridge) for someone for the love of God to remember to bring the personal pan cheesecakes in the fridge with them when they leave for the ceremony and give them to the Matradee, since Jaclyn is allergic to her own wedding cake.
5:10am Pack car.
5:15am Accidentally run red light. Glad that the traffic cams aren't up and running at that intersection yet.
5:20am Pick up Stacey from her parent's house.
5:25am Arrive at Jaclyn's condo, juggling three floor length dresses in plastic wrap.
5:30-5:45am Pack limo and get all of Jaclyn's things together without creating a panicked atmosphere.
5:50am Step out so Jaclyn can take a breather. Jade, on hydration and panic attack control, is the only bridesmaid left inside.
5:57am Leave Jaclyn's condo to go pick up Aunt Nancy a few blocks away. Giggle that Jaclyn and Jade are the only two who put seat belts on in the entire limo.
6:05am See my Uncle in his glasses and not his contacts for the first time in my entire life. It was odd.
6:07am Find out my Great Aunt Doris is now on a ventilator and since a few cousins are not coming to the reception think of anyone in town who I can invite to the wedding as a seat filler.
6:08am Realize I have no friends to call to act as seat fillers.
6:40am Arrive at Essa Salon.
6:55am Am asked if I'd like some caffeine. Answer: "For the love of God yes!"
6:57am See Emmy and automatically take a photo of Jessy, the actress bridesmaid, with it.
7:00-7:45am Enjoy my cappuccino complete with complimentary milano cookie and nibble on some fruit while everyone else gets their hair done.
8:00-8:45am Continue to sit while everyone else gets their hair done.
9:00am Finally get called over to a chair and tell my quiet man that I'd like it to be big and ridiculous.
10:00am Realize my hair dresser has delivered.
10:05am Hair dresser gives me one last spray of hair spray and exclaims: "You are my masterpiece today!"
10:10am Rushed to get make-up on, convinced I will never look as good as I imagined.
10:20am Lock myself in dressing room and try to shimmy into my dress.
10:21am Half way in dress Julibean is at the door with Jason on the phone saying there is a suit disaster happening at home and I panic slightly.
10:23am Get dress entirely on without harming the anchorwoman hair.
10:27am Call Jason back only to find out he's a moron and when I said his suit was hanging in the closet with everyone else's wedding clothes in it, he didn't even look in that closet.
10:30am Consider beating Jason with my helmet hair.
10:45am Assist Julianne in make-up.
10:57am Pass over a painful amount of money to the salon. Seriously, I've never spent so much on my hair in my entire life!
11:00am Pack everything back into the limo.
11:10am Pull out of the salon only 10 minutes behind schedule.
11:11am Realize that through a mis-communication where I was supposed to pay Julibean's tip, she actually did not wind up tipping her hair stylist.
11:12am Feel a little bit better about the amount of time and money spent on my hair knowing they didn't get $10 more from me.
11:15am Realize that there is absolutely no way to keep the girls under control and inside the dress completely for the day.
11:16am Julibean starts making anchorwoman references about my hair.
11:17am Decide that for the rest of the day Elise will be on vacation and reading the news in her place will be Tits McGee.

Rehearsals

So the night before the wedding we all drove out to Papa Razzi for Jaclyn & Andy's rehearsal dinner. It was absolutely disgusting out, pouring, wet, nastiness, but the restaurant was cozy.

We had our own little area (not one of the party rooms but out of the way of everyone else) and the food was pretty darn good. I personally like my pasta a little be more done but it was still delicious.

Dessert on the other hand was a little...off? The canollis were definitely not filled with the correct stuff...or rather, it was just not the right consistency. I'm not sure if someone brought them in from outside or if they were from Papa Razzi's kitchen but they were downright awful.

However, Jaclyn looked gorgeous as ever.

Dan looked pretty good too.

A few words...

Finally...I am FINALLY done with all my wedding related tasks.

Today my to-do list includes laundry and cleaning my house.
Tomorrow I get my nails done.
Saturday I get to eat, drink and be merry at the rehearsal dinner.
And Sunday is when everything goes down...


When someone asks you to be a bridesmaid/maid of honor, you should be well aware that a lot of time and money will go into things. But by jolly, you better love that person enough to be able to do all of the following and then some:

1. Wake up at an ungodly hour to meet the bridal party to be limoed over to a salon.
2. Pay an overly ridiculous amount to get your hair done at an overpriced north shore salon.
   (seriously, who thought it'd be okay to charge $100+ just to get my hair curled for the day?!)
3. Buy scary underwear to smooth over everything that may or may not be so smooth on your body, and then endure through actually wearing it the whole day.
   
4. Wear a dress in a color you'd never consider wearing on your own.
5. Wear a dress that should be comfortable since it's made out of chiffon, but isn't because the bodice has so much structure to it.
6. Carry a giant purse to the reception to hold onto things the bride needs: chapstick, lipstick, hypodermic needle of epipen, etc.
7. Bake a personal pan cheesecake for the bride who is allergic to her own cake.
   (Okay so I'm not doing this, Julibean is, but still, it's on the list)
8. Give a toast, and quite possibly humiliate yourself and others in the process.
9. Keep the mother and the mother in law from killing each other.
10. Keep grandma from getting drunk and dancing with strangers on the dance floor.

There are numerous other tasks and assignments you might be required to handle. My suggestion...just do anything and everything well, do it quickly, and do it with a smile on your face so your bride can enjoy her day and not have to worry about everything else.

Barely...

I'm barely surviving. Was sick all weekend and just eked by getting the place cards and photo slide show done. I'm still sick and exhausted but this image just totally made my day...

It's from Bread and Badger over on Etsy and I think I might have to have a few at some point in my life....just pure awesomeness!

Road Trip Anyone?

This is why I love my sister...

penny: do I know anyone in Pittsburgh?
julibean: dunno
penny: I wonder
penny: I wants to go to the factory
penny: but it's in like West Virginia, past Pittsburgh
julibean: what factory?
penny: the Fiestaware factory
julibean: a huh
julibean: let's not
penny: it's just so happy
penny: it'd be like that Staples commercial...I'd ride down the aisle on the shopping cart while It's the most wonderful time of the year played in my head
julibean: a huh
julibean: you're nuts
julibean: just plain nuts
julibean: just so you know that
julibean: okay

I really just want to go to the Homer Laughlin Store in Newell, WV, is that so wrong?!

Quick Like Bunnies!

So let's see how far I've come in the past 5 days...

To do:

1. Finish printing inner program pages.
2. Stamp all inner program pages.
3. Assemble all programs.
4. Re-vamp toast for reception.
5. Photo slide-show for reception.

I feel like I actually accomplished something!!! But what this list doesn't show is that I took like 4 trips to Michael's to buy more and more ribbon to tie the damn programs together. Seriously, the ribbon Jaclyn picked out cost more than the programs cost to design/print!

And this list also doesn't explain that the slide-show needs to be done by the 18th to go to the DJ the week of the 19th and there are literally over 300 photos scanned into my computer and on various discs lying around my house to include in this montage.

But ahhhhh 12 more days!!!

Busy Little Beaver

Holy crappers. There are 17 days left until J&A's wedding.

To do:

1. Finish printing inner program pages.
2. Stamp all inner program pages.
3. Assemble all programs.
4. Re-vamp toast for reception.
5. Photo slide-show for reception.

Dear God, that's a lot to do in not a lot of time...